He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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