You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
