How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
