THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
