one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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