I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
