Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
