I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
