She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
