batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
