If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
