Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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