Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
