Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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