I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
