I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
