I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
