Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
