In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
