The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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