so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
why do cheetos always look like penises
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
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