He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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