ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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