The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
