Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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