It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
