The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
