Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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