his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
