put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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