I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
