yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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