i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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