Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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