This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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