Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
