Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
