I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
