I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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