At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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