have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
