Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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