Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
