Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
