yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
