i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
