there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
