Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
