are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
