You're my little dorito
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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