I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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