I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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