walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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