yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
